Light hearted jokes !!

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spritely
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by spritely » Sat Mar 28, 2020 11:37 am

Vespa wrote:
Sat Mar 28, 2020 7:35 am
Someone is getting bored :lol: :lol:
Nah, get away. :oops: :lol: :lol: :lol:
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Indianajons
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Indianajons » Sat Mar 28, 2020 2:03 pm

Buy into hand lotion futures.... think of all those chapped hands when this is over!
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Gojira
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Gojira » Tue Mar 31, 2020 7:19 am

The latest XKCD comic puts a different perspective on things :lol:

https://xkcd.com/2287/
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BevC
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by BevC » Tue May 12, 2020 5:03 pm

My friend sent me this today

4DAD484F-5313-497B-B4A9-DAC9876807EA.png

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ChrisGB
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by ChrisGB » Wed May 13, 2020 2:57 pm

BevC wrote:
Tue May 12, 2020 5:03 pm
My friend sent me this today
Not funny :cry:







I'm getting fed up with people using pictures of me in my favourite Carlsberg T shirt.
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Gojira
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Gojira » Fri May 15, 2020 7:18 am

A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a blood bank.

The rabbit says "I must be a type O"
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lexie
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by lexie » Sun May 17, 2020 5:10 pm

Why is the government monitoring the spread of coronavirus closely in the west country?

Because they heard that the 'R' is more pronounced there 😉
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BevC
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by BevC » Tue Jun 02, 2020 4:38 pm

Reading another thread about music on USB sticks, I remembered this from a few years back. Seems it is as appropriate now as it was then.

GM replies to Bill Gates

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "if GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued the following press release -

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics -

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the car unless you bought "car NT", but then you would have to buy more seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

10. The airbag system would ask "are you sure?" before deploying.

11. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

12. GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Dept.

13. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

14. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
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wizzy
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by wizzy » Tue Jun 02, 2020 10:37 pm

Stolen from elsewhere....

Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director of the U.S. National Institute ofAllergy and Infectious Diseases told the President: "This morning, 3 Brazilians were killed by Covid-19."
Trump's face went egg-shell white with shock. The blood drained from his face and to everyone’s amazement he collapsed on the floor.
Minutes passed and to everyone’s relief President Trump got up shakily and then sat back on his chair.
His staff was nothing less than stunned at this display of emotion from their President, nervously watching as he sits, head in hands, waiting for him to faint again.
Finally, the President looks up and with a shaky quivering voice asks the Dr Fauci, *"How many people is a brazillion?"*

BevC
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by BevC » Thu Jun 04, 2020 2:59 pm

A fact finding mission by a cross party group of MPs is currently taking place in Scotland looking for Loch Down😂
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