Light hearted jokes !!

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Deleted User 732

Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Deleted User 732 » Fri Jun 05, 2020 12:42 pm

Have any of you heard of a tribe smaller than the Pygmies? Apparently the average height they grow to is one foot. They are called the Fookarwee tribe and got their name from the area where they live. It is mainly grassland and the grass grows to around three feet. They are very athletic and can jump up to four feet. The name comes from their famous call when they jump up and shout "Where the fookarwee?"

MalcolmT
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by MalcolmT » Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:39 pm

That ones as old as I am.
Still very funny

Deleted User 732

Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Deleted User 732 » Fri Jun 05, 2020 4:50 pm

I have hundreds more but I am not allowed free speech anymore

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BRC
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by BRC » Sat Jun 06, 2020 6:42 am

A woman brought a very limp duck into the vets and laid it on the table. The vet took his stethoscope, listened to the ducks chest and informed her that unfortunately the duck was dead. The very distressed woman wailed.."No no, you haven't done any tests on him yet, he might just be in a coma or something"
The vet sighed, went out of the room and came back in with a big brown Labrador. The dog put his front paws on the table, sniffed the duck, looked at the vet with big sad eyes and slowly shook his head. The vet patted the dogs head and took him out of the room.

A minute later he returned with a cat, the feline jumped onto the table, pawed and sniffed the duck, looked at the vet with big sad green eyes and slowly shook his head.

"I'm sorry" said the vet to the woman, "As you can see this is most definately a dead duck". With that he turned to his computer terminal, punched a few figures in, produced an invoice for £150 and gave it to the woman. The woman, still in shock screamed, "£150!! just to tell me my duck is dead"!!!

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry madam, if you'd taken my word for it in the first place the bill would have been £20, but with the lab report and cat scan, it's now £150".
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Deleted User 732

Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Deleted User 732 » Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:08 am

Similar to one of my earlier jokes but still amusing

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BRC
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by BRC » Sat Jun 06, 2020 7:19 am

Some one liners and most probably from Tim Vine

*A skeleton clanks into a bar.."Barman, get me a beer and a mop"

*FOR SALE...PARACHUTE....used once, as new, never opened

* I say no to alcohol...it just never listens

* A bargain is something you don't need at a price you can't resist

* Do not argue with an idiot....he will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience

* A dislexic man walks into a bra

Did you hear about the dyslexic Devil worshipper who sold his soul to Santa...?

* Women should be obscene and not heard

* A farmer in a field with his cows he counted 196 of them....but when he rounded them up he had 200
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IIRXES
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by IIRXES » Sun Aug 02, 2020 8:40 am

I didn't know toy stores sold babies....

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