Light hearted jokes !!

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ColinR
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by ColinR » Tue Apr 10, 2018 5:36 pm

Love it :lol: :lol:

I'll remember those next time I'm dragged out shopping :D


Darkknight
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Darkknight » Wed Apr 11, 2018 6:28 am

A blonde calls her mechanic and tells him there's smoke coming out of her bonnet. The mechanic tells her to pop the hood and see where the smoke is coming out from. She does so and then tells him it's coming out of a cap numbered '710'. The puzzled mechanic says there's no such cap labeled '710' in a car but the blonde insists. Turns out the blonde is right but it also proves the blonde is a true blonde at heart. Can you figure out what '710' is?


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PhilB
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by PhilB » Wed Apr 11, 2018 8:09 am

"OIL" upside down.
:lol:

Bit like getting a calculator and typing 5407708 then turning it upside down.
:D
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paulrxe
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by paulrxe » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:15 pm

A horse and a donkey meet in a bar one night, they get chatting and hit it off, the horse invites the donkey back to his place, they go back and all around the walls are pictures of the horse winning the derby, the Guineas, the oaks etc etc. So anyway they have a bang and the horse suggests going to the donkeys house the next weekend, donkey is all up for it but he starts panicking thinking how he’s gonna impress this champion horse, he gets a brain wave and goes the zoo and takes a pic of zebra, so the weekend comes and the horse comes round to the donkeys, he walks in and there’s this massive picture of a zebra taking up a whole wall, “what’s that” say the horse “ah it’s nothing” says the donkey “no tell me I wanna know” says the horse “ah I use to play for Juventus” says the donkey
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paulrxe
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by paulrxe » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:20 pm

A very posh woman walks into a Jaguar showroom and wonders over to the latest F-Type V8 supercharged sportscar and just as she's about to touch it she accidentally breaks wind. She glances around and, just as she thinks she's got away with it, she sees the young sales rep standing right behind her. So she says in her best voice, "how much is this car please?" The young sales rep doesn't bat an eyelid and tells her, "madam, if you farted whilst touching it then you are going to sh1t yourself when I tell you how much it costs"
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billvega
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by billvega » Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:35 pm

paulrxe wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:15 pm
A horse and a donkey meet in a bar one night, they get chatting and hit it off, the horse invites the donkey back to his place, they go back and all around the walls are pictures of the horse winning the derby, the Guineas, the oaks etc etc. So anyway they have a bang and the horse suggests going to the donkeys house the next weekend, donkey is all up for it but he starts panicking thinking how he’s gonna impress this champion horse, he gets a brain wave and goes the zoo and takes a pic of zebra, so the weekend comes and the horse comes round to the donkeys, he walks in and there’s this massive picture of a zebra taking up a whole wall, “what’s that” say the horse “ah it’s nothing” says the donkey “no tell me I wanna know” says the horse “ah I use to play for Juventus” says the donkey
That tickled me that one :lol:
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richmond
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by richmond » Sat Apr 21, 2018 10:13 am

A very elderly couple are having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 70th wedding anniversary. The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, "Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 70 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for, and your answer cannot take that all that away. But I must know. Did he have a different father?"
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye, paused for a moment and then confessed, "Yes, yes he did."
The old man is very shaken. The reality of what his wife was admitting hit him harder than he had expected. With a tear in his eye he asks, "Who, who was he? Who was the father?"
Again the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tried to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband. Then finally she says, "You."
John
2016 XE Italian Racing Red Prestige 2.0i 200
Prev. 2011 XFS


Darkknight
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Location: Singapore

Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by Darkknight » Sat Apr 21, 2018 10:30 pm

paulrxe wrote:
Fri Apr 20, 2018 6:20 pm
A very posh woman walks into a Jaguar showroom and wonders over to the latest F-Type V8 supercharged sportscar and just as she's about to touch it she accidentally breaks wind. She glances around and, just as she thinks she's got away with it, she sees the young sales rep standing right behind her. So she says in her best voice, "how much is this car please?" The young sales rep doesn't bat an eyelid and tells her, "madam, if you farted whilst touching it then you are going to sh1t yourself when I tell you how much it costs"
hahahaha 😆 this is funny!


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147daytona
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by 147daytona » Sun Apr 22, 2018 7:35 pm

Read that one out to my Wife and she burst out laughing :lol:
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richmond
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Re: Light hearted jokes !!

Post by richmond » Mon Apr 23, 2018 10:32 am

I recently spent a lot of money on a young registered Black Angus bull. I put him out with the herd but he just ate grass and wouldn't even look at a cow. I was beginning to think I'd paid more for that bull than he was worth. Anyhow, I had the Vet come and have a look at him. He said the bull was very healthy but possibly just a little young, so he gave me some pills to feed to him once a day. The bull started to service the cows within two days, ALL of my cows. He even broke through the fence and serviced all of my neighbour's cows. He's like a machine.
I don't know what was in the pills the Vet gave him, but they taste something like peppermint.
John
2016 XE Italian Racing Red Prestige 2.0i 200
Prev. 2011 XFS


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